But Officer, What Else Could I Have Done?

But officer, what else could I have done?

Stop at the stop sign?

Yes, officer
I suppose I could have done that

But I was speaking in a more universal tone

As in, what else could I have done with my life?

In the grand scheme of things
You don't just stop for stop signs

You stop for the girls you're dating
You stop for your parents dreams
You stop for that job you didn't get because you failed the drug test
Because you smoked pot the night before
And got so high
You didn't even remember smoking pot

In life, there are so many 'stop signs'

Pretty soon, you just stop reading the signs, you know?

You just drive right through them
And sure, maybe you run over a few squirrels
Here and there

But at least you're going
You know what I mean, officer?

At least you're moving towards another destination
Instead of waiting at some four-way intersection
Waiting to see if anybody else wants to actually grab their balls
And speed up a little bit
And head on down the road
Towards something better

Hey, do you want a drink?
I have some beers in the back
I feel like this conversation
Would be better with beer

So where was I?

Oh right

Your wife leaves you for a fry cook
At Applebee's
And suddenly you're using your turn signal thinking--

Fuck my turn signal

Why can't I just turn?

Why does the person behind me
Need to know where I'm going?

Why don't they just focus on where THEY'RE going?

What if we ALL just focused on where WE'RE going?

Then we wouldn't need turn signals
And we wouldn't need marriage
And we wouldn't need taxes
And we wouldn't need war

But we would stop needing turn signals first
And I think that's a step in the right direction

So, no, officer
I did not stop at the stop sign
And yes, I'm aware that I didn't stop
And now I'm stopped anyway
Because apparently my path in the universe
Is a stationary one
So if you'd like to just arrest me for being a cosmic bystander
I give you full permission

A warning?

You're just going to give me a warning?

Wow, that is awesome of you, officer
You're a stand-up guy

This might just change my whole life

I'll just be on my...

Huh...

Car won't start...

Are you sure you don't want to just shoot me?