If You Could Do It Over Again

If you could do it over again
Would you still have snuck out tonight?

Sit down

Have some pie with your mother

It's the midnight pie
From that diner downtown

It's not as good as when you eat it
Right in the diner
At midnight

But it's not bad
Three hours past curfew

So sit down
Tell me

Would you do it again?

When I was your age
I snuck out all the time

But I was a lot better at it
Than you are

I never came home to my mother sitting in the kitchen
Eating pie
Waiting for me to come home
So she could discuss the consequences with me

No, I wasn't worried

Because I used to sneak out
With my girlfriends

Like Gina, your friend Cady's Mom
Who drove all of you to that club in Scoville
Where my ex-boyfriend Tony is the owner?

Like Cassie, who is now a policewoman
And who spotted you girls coming out of the club
And tailed you all the way back here

Like Auntie Leah, our neighbor
Who spotted you leaving
And called me while I was getting you this pie

I had you covered all night, kid
You didn't stand a chance

Now, normally, I would not be allowing you to leave this house
For anything other than school and sunlight
For at least two weeks
But...

You're seventeen
And you're not going backwards in time
So...

I'm not sure what the point is
In punishing you anymore

I'm also not sure you need to sneak out anymore
If you want to go to a concert
That isn't even on a school night

I mean, really, sweetie
If you're going to misbehave
Go big or go home

You didn't even come home
With a tattoo or a piercing

You're an amateur

And I love you

And I guess I'm giving you what we in the parenting business call--

A freebie

So I hope you had a good night
I hope you don't plan on trying it for as long as you're living in this house
And I hope you flirted with the bass player
And not the drummer
Because that, my dear, is the difference between a girl and a woman

Now eat your pie
Go to bed
And whatever you do

Don't tell your father about Tony