It Happened Again

Hello?  Is this the super?

Hello Super, this is Monica McFinley
From 4D?

No, my mother is Sally McFinley
I am Monica McFinley
My mother's daughter
And you have met me on several occasions
Including the time you suggested
That your three-year-old son and I could have a 'play date'
Despite the fact that I am four-years-old
And women mature faster than men
So technically, I'm about eight years older than him
In maturity years

That, however, is neither here nor there

I am calling you because I have tried talking to my parents about this
And they simply will not listen

They keep telling me they don't want to 'bother' you
Whereas I feel that it's your job to take care of these sorts of things

Super, there is a monster in my closet

Yes, a very large monster
And I would like it removed

It has scared me four times in the past month
And last night it happened again
So I'm going to need you to take care of that

I don't know if there's any sort of special procedure
For monster-removal
But I'll be happy to google it for you
If you like

Obviously I can't do much more than that
Otherwise, what would be the point in my parents paying rent?

There might even be a nickel tip in it for you
If you can get the monster out
Without making my room too much of a mess

I'm having friends over for tea later
And I'd prefer it
If my stuffed animals were covered in monster blood
When they get here

I'd like this done as soon as possible
I realize the Wagners have a burst pipe
That's flooding their living room
But at least they're not in danger of being eaten

I'll be leaving shortly for a trip to the playground
And when I come back
I'd like a monster-free closet

Otherwise, I'll have to talk to my parents
About moving into the toy store down the street
And you'll be down a tenant

Thank you, and by the way
I think your son has cooties

Good-bye