Vaseline

So my project today
Was to sell a product
And even though I was initially assigned 'Chocolate'
I agreed to switch with my friend Tara
Because she cried
And when she cries
She sounds like baby livestock
So I traded with her
To get her to shut up

I hope you enjoy her presentation
On why you should buy chocolate

I believe it's called 'Yum Yum Goodie'

Be kind

I have been assigned vaseline

Why would you--tenth graders
Need to buy vaseline?

I think the questions is
Why would you NOT want to buy vaseline?

Are you aware
That vaseline
Has been found to prevent acne
In panda bears?

And are you also aware
That panda bears
Have the same skin consistency
As teenagers
Underneath all the panda hair?

They've done studies

Vaseline has also been found
To help darken skin pigmentation
When rubbed on the skin
Before sunbathing

Of course, it's only for those serious about tanning

I, myself, prefer to resemble
A Cuban farm worker
Before I show my face
At any social activity

But that's just me

Vaseline can also be rubbed on kittens
To dissuade mosquitoes
Who are known to be attracted to kittens
Because kitten blood
Tastes like blue Kool-Aid

Any zoologist will tell you that

In short, vaseline should be an integral part
Of your life
And if it isn't
Then you're a loser who can't come to my birthday party
Where, just so you know, Kirk Hansen's new rock band--

'The Broken Chimneys'

--Will be making their debut

I'm their agent

Any questions?

No

Didn't think so

Mr. Sharpe, feel free to give me an 'A' instead of an 'A+'

I like to leave room for improvement

Tara, you're up

Tell us all how we can get fat by eating too much chocolate
And acquire bad skin
That only vaseline will be able to cure

This oughta be good