The Safari

Eddie!

Eddie, the giraffe is looking at me

It wants to eat me, Eddie
It's looking at me like I'm a steak

Don't tell me they don't eat steak
They're wild animals

Why couldn't we just go to the amusement park
Why'd we have to go through the safari?

Kids?

Kids, don't be scared
The giraffe isn't going to eat us

But if it comes near the car
Climb under the seat
And start writing letters to your grandparents
Telling them how much you loved them

Your father's gotta be Captain Adventure
That's why we're all here

Remember this, kids
Whenever you feel the urge
To step out of the box
And live a little

Remember the way
That giraffe is licking his chops

We couldn't just go on a nice vacation
To the beach
Where we had that nice condo
With the flat screen and the patio
With the nice view of the ocean
So we didn't even have to go in it

Now that was a nice time

Instead your father's turned our happy little minivan
Into a cage of death

Hey Eddie
After this
Why don't you see if Six Flags
Can dip us into shark-infested waters
While Jaws swims around us
Trying to figure out which one of the kids
He wants to eat first

Maybe there's a fire pit we can walk across
Or a pack of rabid wolves we can wrestle

Well, at least it'll be over soon
Either the giraffe will eat us
Or we'll make it to the amusement park
Where I'll find a parked bumper car
And take a nap

No matter what
It was certainly an adventure