Charlie, why don't you sit down?
No, not there! That's John Tesh's chair!
He likes to eat bamboo there
And chew on the doll I got him
That resembles Maury Povich
Sit on the wicker chair
I just hosed off the spy blood
So it should be clean
Charlie, dear dear Charlie
Having you as a roommate
Has been such an...interesting...experience
But I'm afraid this living situation
Just isn't working out
I can put up with a lot, Charlie
It would be one thing if you were torturing double agents in your bedroom
Or plotting world domination from your secret headquarters in the hall closet
Or even blowing up National landmarks like the only Dairy Queen in Omaha
But Charlie...
You don't wipe down the counters
I know, I know
I can be a jolly Jerry most of the time
But Charlie, ecoli is no laughing matter
What if John Tesh were to get food poisoning?
For a koala, that can be life-threatening
Charlie, I don't mind the scantily-clad women
The drug use, the violence
The fact that you have no discernible comic timing
But can't you be just a little tidier?
I think we both know the answer
And I think that's why you have to leave
I'll miss you
With you, me, and JT
It's been a little bit like
Two and a half mammals around here
We're thinking of replacing you
With an evil kangaroo
With an addiction to uppers
It isn't going to be easy
But we feel
It's for the best
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