But His Bathroom's Clean

Brit?

Brit, it's me

I can't raise my voice

Because

BECAUSE

Remember that guy from last night?

I'm in his bathroom

No, Brit, I am not USING the bathroom

I'm HIDING in the bathroom

Because I went to bed last night with George Clooney
And woke up next to George Burns

Why didn't you TELL me last night
That he was so old?

Brit, I'm pretty sure I saw the Dead Sea Scrolls
On his coffee table!

I came in here to see if there was a window big enough
To crawl through
But then...

Well...

His bathroom's clean

Brit, have you ever met a single guy
Who kept his bathroom clean?

This guy's bathroom is not only clean
It is immaculate

Brit, I have plates in my cupboards
That are dirtier
Than this bathroom

It's making me wonder...

Well, Brit, I am not getting any younger

Maybe it's time to stop being so picky

I mean, yes, he's old enough
To remember the Great Flood
But he also made me breakfast this morning
Offered to take me out to dinner tonight
And just slipped a note underneath the bathroom door
That says--

'I can hear everything you're saying and I'm only thirty-four.'

Wow

Somebody's had a hard life

Brit, maybe I need to start thinking about more important things
Than looks and intelligence and their original head of hair

Maybe all I can ask for is kindness
And a man who makes me breakfast
And a clean bathroom with a lovely pink chair in it and--

Wait, who puts a chair in their bathroom?

Does he expect people to sit in here?

And do what--reflect?

I mean, that's what I'm doing right now
But it shouldn't be a regular thing

Ugh, clearly Grandpa is a creep, Brit

Do me a favor

Get dressed and drive down Lyson Avenue

If you see some legs hanging out of a window
Pull over
And help me down

I'll see if I can find something to write with
So I can leave him a note

Well, c'mon, Brit

I don't want to be rude