It's Gotta Be Worth Something

What do you mean it's worth nothing?

It's gotta be worth something

I found it in an attic

AN ATTIC

You don't find junk in attics

You find junk in basements
And garbage cans
And dumpsters

Nobody puts trash
In an attic

Because then you gotta carry the trash
Up to the top of your house
And pull down the little ladder
And go up
And put down the junk
And then climb all the way down again

Who would do all that work just to hold onto something
That wasn't worth nothing?

I'm telling ya
This is quality

It was underneath a blanket

Do you throw blankets over your garbage at night?

'Oh no, better hide my trash so nobody takes it before the dump truck takes it away!'

Wouldn't make sense, would it?

Somebody didn't want me to find this
And I found it
And it's too bad they didn't take it with them when they moved
But that's their problem

I had to almost break a hip
Carrying it down
And carting it all the way to this antique store on foot
Because I don't like to drive my car on weekdays
When all the drunks are out

So what's it worth?

. . . . .

Seven bucks?

...Wow

I TOLD YOU IT WAS WORTH SOMETHING!

Now, here's my question

Can I get that in nickels?

I wanna stop by the slots
After I leave here

I'm feeling lucky today