Joey's First Haircut

What I'm thinking is something fun, you know?

Give him something the kids at school
Can talk about

I think we should start with his initials
Then maybe a five--for his age
Then something awesome
Like a griffin or a dragon with a dead guy in his mouth

I don't just want this to be a haircut
I want it to be a mural
Of badassedness

I can't send him into kindergarten
With that part across the side of his head
Like his mother wants

He needs to make a statement!

And that statement needs to be
I am a dragon who will eat you
And then go hang out with a griffin

Or a tyrannosaurus rex
Or maybe a rabid dog

Can you buzz a dog onto his head
So that the mouth looks like it's foaming?

Hey, one sec
My kid's freaking out a little

Don't worry, Joey
Daddy's got this all taken care of

You don't think I'd screw up your first haircut, do you?

And even if I did
The important thing to remember about hair
Is that it grows back

I mean, not fast
Not your hair, anyway
You got my hair
And our hair takes FOREVER to grow back

I shaved my head when I was in fourth grade
And I didn't see hair again until I was in high school

But I think that skips a generation
So you're all set

Okay, Maestro
Let's get started

Why don't you do the girl riding the motorcycle
Right on top of his head
So planes going by can see it

That would be amazing

Don't worry, little guy
Daddy's got this one

You just sit back
And relax