The Batman Villains Open An Italian Restaurant

Basically, we just got tired

You know how you get tired?

We got tired

One day Riddler and I are in the hospital together
Him with a broken leg
From getting a Bat-merang thrown at him

(By the way, why is it okay to put 'bat' in front of anything and make a new word?  Can't a boomerang shaped like a bat still be a boomerang?  I'm just asking a question, here.)

I'm lying next to him
In a full body cast
Because Mr. Ratwings
Through me off a building

And we're talking
And we're just going--

Nah, not for us
Not anymore, you know?

I'm just getting too old

So we call up Catwoman and Penguin
And we say, 'Hey, what do you guys think about going into business together?'

Not like that time when we tried to turn the United Nations
Into multi-colored sand
But an honest business

That's when it hit us--

An Italian Restaurant

I mean, how can you go wrong?

They don't have one decent Italian restaurant
In all of Gotham City

If you try to get a decent lasagna in this city
You're screwed

So we opened up 'Anthony's'

None of us are actually named Anthony
It just sounded like something an Italian restaurant should be named
Plus we didn't want to get hassled by the cops

When I opened up 'The Joke's On You' hot dog stand
In the late nineties
The police used to bother me all the time
Until finally I said screw it
And went back to crime

This time, I'm staying on the straight and narrow

And so are the others

Catwoman's doing front of house
Which is good for everybody
Because her risotto
Looks like the stuff she coughs up
During her yoga sessions

Penguin does the business end of things
Because the last time we let him in the kitchen
He almost wound up being the special

The Riddler's our chef
And let me tell you something
I don't know what he puts in that mystery sauce
But I saw a little old lady from Palermo
Burst into tears the minute she ate it

Of course, five minutes after that
She also burst into flames
But we've tweaked it a little since then

Me?

I take care of any problems that come up

Like the other day
Some guy complained
That his pasta wasn't cooked right

So I comped his bill
And threw him against the wall

He didn't stick

But he didn't pay either
So there you go

It feels good to run a respectable establishment

Poison Ivy keeps asking to buy herself in
But just between you and me

She's not good people