Matt and Linda's Failed Easter Egg Hunt

I told you not to let me have that third drink
I told you that was a bad idea
Didn't I tell you?

Jesus, Matt
Now what the hell are we supposed to do?

I don't remember where we hid
A single one of those eggs

I think we put one behind the fridge

I'm not going behind there
And neither are the kids

I think I heard something giving birth behind there yesterday

Think, Matt, think
Where did you hide those eggs?

If we can't find them, how the hell are the kids going to find them?

Stephen can't even put his backpack on without an instruction manual
Like father like--

Let's just focus!

What about my azalea bush outside?
Did you hide any in my bush?

Matt, stop laughing
That is not funny!

Are you still drunk?

Jesus Christ, you're drunk on Easter
If I were a nun, I'd knee you right in the crotch

Now, let's see
I remember you dancing around with a pot on your head
Pretending to be your mother
At our wedding

Did you put any eggs in the pot?

The dishwasher?

Why would we put eggs in the dishwasher?

Easter Bunnies don't leave things in dishwashers!
Bunnies are filthy creatures
Why would they go near anything
That could cleanse them?

Well, go get them out of the dishwasher
And hide them somewhere sensible
Before the kids wake up

Do you know Stephen doesn't believe in Santa anymore
But he still believes in the Easter Bunny?

A guy coming down a chimney isn't plausible to him
But a giant bunny who goes around hiding eggs in his mother's bush
Makes all the sense in the world

Matt, why are you laughing?

Well go ahead
Laugh it up
But guess who's doing all the Christmas wrapping this year?

That's right, Pothead
Mama's taking the rest of the year off

Now if you'll excuse me
I'm going to go have myself
A little holiday coctail