Negotiating the Grade

"I'd like an A."
"But you received a sixty-five."
"I realize that."
"That's barely passing."
"I'm aware."
"That's an inch past passing."
"Yes."
"An inch, Miss Thomas."
"I understand."
"Then how--"
"I'd like to negotiate."
"Negotiate?"
"Yes.  This is a business course, isn't it?"
"It's an American history course."
"And you, as a teacher of American history, Mr. Proulson, would certainly agree that any course dealing with America deals with how America does business."
"Well--"
"So, let's negotiate the grade."
"I am not in the business of negotiating with my students, Miss Thomas."
"Mr. Thomas, there were only twenty answers on this test."
"I wrote the test, Miss Thomas, you don't have to inform me of its particulars."
"Each of the answers were worth five points.  That means only six answers stand between me and my A."
"Six answers can comprise a very long distance in a test with only twenty questions, Miss Thomas, or are you doing as poorly in Math as you're doing in History?"
"Mr. Proulson, I note your sarcastic tone, and I choose to ignore it, but I would like you to be aware that I'm noting it."
"I take note of your noting, Miss Thomas."
"Excellent.  Now, your question about Lincoln--"
"About Lincoln's assassin?"
"Yes."
"What about it?"
"It was flawed."
"Flawed?"
"Yes, flawed.  When you ask something like 'Who killed President Lincoln?' I mean, really, Mr. Proulson, such a loaded question, and hardly objective--"
"John Wilkes Booth killed President Lincoln, Miss Thomas."
"According to my research, that's up for debate, Mr. Proulson."
"Your research?"
"Yes."
"It sounds like you've done more work challenging the grade you received than getting the grade you received.  Isn't that funny?"
"It is suspected that Lincoln's Vice-President had a hand in his murder."
"I'm not interested in conspiracy theories, Miss Thomas, I'm interested in fact."
"Is that why you avoided asking us about Kennedy?"


. . . . .


"Congratulations, Miss Thomas.  You now have a seventy.  That's a C-.  It's nearly mediocre.  You can go now."
"I'm afraid I can't, Mr. Proulson.  After all, there's still the question of what Booth said when he landed on the stage of the Ford's Theater."
"He said 'Death to Tyrants,' Miss Thomas, and you wrote a bunch of gibberish."
"No, I wrote, admittedly in sloppy handwriting, 'Sic semper tyrannis' which is Latin, which is what Booth spoke when he landed on the stage of the Ford's Theater.  'Death to Tyrant's is merely the translation."
"I'm beginning to feel a strange kinship with Booth at this moment, Miss Thomas."
"But the answer--"
"You have a seventy-five.  That is as much negotiating as I am willing to do today."
"But what about Betsy Ross?"
"Is she still dead?"
"Yes."
"Then I don't care."
"You asked what she was famous for."
"Yes, I did."
"And I gave you the correct answer."
"No, you didn't.  Betsy Ross is famous for being the first person to sew the American flag."
"Actually, Mr. Proulson, historians have shown that she was only one of many women to sew the American flag.  Betsy Ross' distinction, and you can read this on my test, is that she--"
"Changed the stars from six-point to the easier five-point."
"I can show documentation."
"An eighty, Miss Thomas, a B-.  A respectable--"
"Roosevelt."
"Eighty-five."
"Nixon."
"Ninety!  An A-, and I can assure you, I'm not going any further than that!  Now, an A- is a far cry from your nearly failing grade.  Can't you let it go at that?"
"Oh Mr. Proulson--I wish I could.  But you see, the essay question was about Christopher Columbus, or as I believe you referred to him, a great explorer."
"...And?"
"He landed in Bermuda, thought he was in India, and gave everybody within a five mile radius of him syphilis.  Oh, and I'm one-third Native American."
"You've got your A.  Bravo."
"Have you ever been to Bermuda, Mr. Proulson?  It looks nothing like India.  I should know.  My parents take me to the Bahamas every time I get good grades.  Seems like that Columbus could have used a geography class, huh?"
"Miss Thomas?"
"Yes?"
"Would you like a one hundred instead of your ninety-five?"
"I'd love it, Mr. Proulson!"
"Then do me a favor--"
"Yes?"
"I'm teaching World History next year."
"Uh huh?"
"Don't take it."