Power Walking with Amy

The last thing I said to him was
You better get your act together

Take a right at the mailbox
I don't want to walk by the Gregson's house
They keep asking me to go in their pool
And I find that strange

Don't you find that strange?

Why would I want to swim in front of other people?
Swimming is a very intimate activity

Push, Delia, push
It isn't called strolling
It's called power walking

You're not even on your second sweat

The first sweat doesn't count, Delia
That's just a preliminary sweat
That's just the appetizer sweat
You have to get to the main course
That's the good stuff

So I told him he needed to get his act--

Let's get onto the sidewalk
It seems like every near-sighted speed demon teenager
Got their license this month

I resent the fact that I have to actually use the sidewalks

This is a neighborhood
Sidewalks should just be for show
They should not be necessary

Anyway, I told him he needed to get his act together

Delia, I am on my second divorce
And this man is trying to make a case
For being husband number three
Yet he's more of a disaster than either
Of my first two husbands

I don't even know why I bother returning his calls

Pick up speed here

The Hennerson's have a giant living room window
And they see me walking by
They'll ask me to baby-sit their bird again

Who knew birds even needed baby-sitting?

This is why I don't have pets

I resent having to care about anything
Being obligated to care, I mean
It just seems--

Do not slow down!

You are not taking a break

We've only done seventeen blocks
And I don't break
On odd numbers

You'll have to wait for block twenty
That's an even number
And we round up to it
So that's when we'll break

You know, I like having you along, Delia
Even when you act like you are now

Without you to talk to I'd have my headphones on

I don't listen to music
I just listen to a tape I made of my own voice
Berating myself
So that I'll keep going

Nothing is scarier to me
Than the sound of my own voice, Delia

Nothing

I admit I like him
I do, I like him very much
But if anything
That's the surest sign
That he's all wrong for me

I need to find a man I don't like
Odds are that'll be the one I can keep

I can't afford a mortgage on my own
I can't go grocery shopping without spending too much money
And if I don't have sex at least once a week
I start eating small children
And blowing up mailboxes

Speaking of mailboxes, get a load of that one

Why would anyone want to retrieve their mail
From a duck's ass?

We need to do this more often, Delia
By rights, we should do it every day

It's good for us

And if you think about it
We really don't do enough
That's good for us

I date the wrong men
You eat the wrong things
We're friends with each other
And there has to be something wrong with that

All that life asks of us
To keep things in check
Is a simple walk

That's all

So we walk

And to keep us ahead of the game
We put a little oomph behind it

Ahhh there you go, Delia
There's that big meaty entree sweat

That's what I've been waiting for