Ali in the Attic

Ali's in the attic
In her underwear

It's so damn hot
In the rest of the house

And even though heat rises
For some reason
Up in the attic
It's cool

She put a towel down
And a glass of peach lemonade
And some magazines
And she inflated a kiddie pool
She found in the basement

This was going to be her beach

The sunlight came in
Through the skylight
And Ali placed herself
Directly underneath it

She would now have a tan square on her stomach
But that's fine

So much is fine

Downstairs there is an argument going on
About who she will live with
When her parents split up

Ali, being sixteen
Feels this argument is pointless

In two years
She will be in college

Why argue over two years?

She wants to tell her parents
To just let her stay here
In the house
In the attic

But that is not an option

The house is being sold
The money divided between her mother and her father
Apartments will be rented
And she will be ferried back and forth between them
Until college
When she will be responsible for the ferrying
During holidays
And breaks

Her personal life will now revolve around
Fulfilling responsibilities
To people who couldn't fulfill theirs

Making sure no parent feels less loved than the other
Making sure her mother doesn't think that her father is buying her love
Making sure her father doesn't think that her mother is turning her against him
Making them both think she's adjusting well to their separation
And to the loss of the home she loves

She will miss the attic
She will miss the cool air
She will miss a summer in a house
As opposed to two apartments
Where she will be asked to split herself down the middle

All her love and experience and personality
And allocate half of it to one place
And half to the other

She won't tell her parents this
Because it will only feel guilty
And they already feel guilty

Would she want them to stay together?  No
Not if they're not happy

But she resents being the victim
Of other people's unhappiness

A cloud rolls in front of the sun
And the sun square disappears

Ali hears the door slam

Someone has walked out
Of the argument

The silence after the argument
Has always scared Ali
More than the argument itself

An argument meant two people were still fighting for something
A door closing and the following calm
Means somebody has given up

But it doesn't bother her anymore

Now it's just a door closing

And the silence is something
She can begin
To get used to