Julia Roberts vs. Modesty

Pat, it's just an honor to be here today
Honestly, it is a the-rill
To be competing against a foe
I--and I have to be honest here
Have never encountered before

Modesty

Hahaha

I thought maybe it was a city in the Ukraine
A place, which, by the way
I helped put on the map
When I did a documentary there
About the endangered manza bird
A beautiful creature

I happen to be the only known human
Who has ever had the bird
Land on his or her shoulders

I was holding my Oscar at the time

I remember when I won my Oscar
It was such a thrill

I also remember the first time I was nominated for an Oscar
And the second time
And when I became Hollywood's highest paid actress
And Ocean's Eleven

Ah, George--we're such good--

I'm not even sure there's a word for what we are
Soulmates seems like such a petty term
For the kind of relationship we have

Oh goodness, what is that around my head?
Is that a halo?

Please don't be nervous, Pat
That happens all the time

So are we ready to play?

I'm not sure you're aware of this, Pat
But I actually invented Wheel of Fortune
Along with salt and vinegar potato chips
And the unicycle

Well, best of luck, Modesty

But I'm not sure you realize
Who you're up against