Emo Boy at Barnes and Noble

Um, do you have any books about
The oppression of the intellectually superior?

Like, maybe something about how
If you're really smart
People hate you

Because people are dumb

Maybe something called--'Everyone's Dumb But You?'

Do you have anything like that?

Okay, well
Now I'm vexed

I wasn't vexed before
But now I am definitely
Vexed

Do you have this graphic novel
That's only made in China?

Apparently they have to smuggle it out
In the bellies of live pigs
Because it's uber-controversial

I would love to read that if you have it

You don't?

Well, could you send someone over
To get one?

I don't mind waiting for the pig
To release it
If that's the problem

Okay, well...fine

When I get home
I'll write a haiku about my disappointment
And send it to you
On recycled paper

Do you have a book on people who go see Nicolas Cage movies?

I want to find out who these people are
And how I can stay as far away from them as possible

It scares me to think that they're lurking among us

I don't necessarily need it to be a book-book
Just a map pointing out
Where all of them live

Do you have any pamphlets here?

Pamphlets are, like, the new thing
Books kind of aren't the new thing anymore
They were the new thing, and then they weren't
And they were again
But now they're sort of not
But we're not ready to categorize them
As 'not new' anymore
And by 'we' I mean, people who know stuff
Of which I am one

Do you have a book on how to make an origami bong?

I don't actually want to make one
I just want to know...how...to make one
So that I won't, you know, by accident
Or anything

...Even though it would be amazing

You don't have a book like that?

Ugh

And you call yourself a chain bookstore
That's going to exterminate Mom and Pop shops
For the rest of time

If you'll excuse me
I have to go to Starbucks

I'm not going to go in or anything
I'm just going to shoot looks
At the people selling their soul
For mainstream caffeine

It relaxes me