A Good Burger

There ain't many things in life
That a good burger can't cure

And I'm going to tell you something
About that girl
And about Tyler
And about that girl being pregnant
And I want you to listen to me
Because I'm your dad
And that means I've done everything stupid that you're gonna do
And my job is to prevent you from doing it

I will fail
And you will fail with Tyler
And he will fail with that little boy or girl
That his girlfriend is pregnant with
Now do you understand that?

Course you don't
Because life is cyclical
Meaning we can't never catch a hold of it
And that's what either makes you love it
Or makes you jump off a bridge

I'd encourage you to love it

Now, when that wife of yours got pregnant with Tyler
I was just as upset as could be
Because I thought it was going to ruin your life
And my daddy, your granddaddy
Took me out for a good burger
At Chop's, which isn't even a place anymore
Just a Starbucks

He sat me down and asked me
If that wife of yours
Who was then your girlfriend
Was planning on keeping the baby
And I said, 'Yes, sir, she is.'

I called my Daddy sir
So don't ever let me catch you calling me sir
Because callin' him sir made him feel like my drill sergeant
More than my father
Which, in all truth, he was
But that's frosting for another cake

I said, 'Sir, she's going to have that baby, and ruin my son's life.'

And my Daddy said--

'Well, that ain't none of your damn business.  Your business is to love your son and love that baby and love that baby's mother, because all those people are family, whether you like it or not.'

Then the burger came
And it was real good
And I don't know if it was the advice
Or the way the juice from the burger dripped into the french fries
Making 'em taste like God was back there at the deep fryer
But somehow I got my shit together
Went home
And started getting used to the idea
Of being a granddaddy myself

Now I'm not saying you gotta be me
Or do what I done
Or love the situation
But you do have to love the people in it

Because the world doesn't need anymore judges in it
It needs more grandfathers
Like the one you had

And a few more burger joints couldn't hurt either

So you take a minute
And you eat your fries
And you do some thinking

Then when you get home
You give your son a hug

Then you call up my house
And tell your mother
She's going to be a great-grandmother
Before she turns sixty-five

Because I sure as hell ain't doing it

I'd rather just stay here
And enjoy my burger