A Naked Woman on the Roof

Hey!  Sorry that took so long

I was talking to the naked woman on the roof

Um, I don't really know her name

I don't know if she has a name

She kinda just chills up there

And, like, doles out advice and shit

I was asking her about this thing with Gina, you know?

And she was giving me some good stuff

All about how Gina just needs to feel like a real person

Instead of, like, the girl I screw around with
When girls I'm more attracted to aren't home

Huh?

Dude, no, I did not have sex with the naked woman on the roof
You don't have sex with her
She's not someone you have sex with
She's like a fortune cookie

Did we smoke pot?

Well, fuck yeah
We smoked pot
I'm not just going to sit there looking at her
While she explains Gina to me
I'm not a creeper

At one point, she laid out a blanket
And had me lay down with her
And she used the stars
To explain the flow of life to me

Then we ate soup

She has, like, a little kitchenette up there
Some chairs
Some bean bag chairs
Some bar stools
A grandfather clock
A couple of cots

It's pretty cool

You've never been up there?

Oh, dude, you gotta go up there
It's life-changing up there

When I was telling about how I want Gina
To stop wanting me to talk to her
After we have sex

It started to rain

And I was like--

'Do you have a roof or anything up here?'

I forgot that we were, like, on the roof

And she was like--

'Just be in it.  Just be in the rain.'

Isn't that awesome?

Like, 'just be in the rain?'

That's so awesome

So we were just in the rain, you know
And I was pretty uncomfortable
Because I was wet

But I was also hanging out with a pretty hot
Soaking wet naked woman
So I kinda got over it

Then she was like--

'You should sing'

And I was like--

'I can't sing.'

And she goes--

'Singing isn't can or can't.  It's do or do not.'

And I was thinking--

Oh my God

This woman is like a naked Yoda

Without the little brown robe
And the ears and shit

So I know I can't sing
And I don't really want to look stupid
In front of her
So I just kinda do that Joe Cocker impersonation I do
Where I'm like--

'You are so beautiful...to me'

But because I didn't want her to know
I was doing Joe Cocker
I went--

'You are a naked girl...to me'

She laughed, so--
I guess I nailed it

Then we finished off the soup
And said a prayer to some goddess
Named Shee-ra or something
And I came back down here

Dude, that was the best seventeen hours of my life

It's so amazing to believe in stuff
You don't even understand

So wait--

Why did you send me up there again?