Brian's Parents Discuss the Doll

"Carol, it's a doll."
"Jonathan--"
"Carol, it's a doll.  I'm looking at it.  It's a doll."
"It's a toy."
"Dolls are toys, Carol."
"And we let Brian have toys."
"We don't let him have dolls."
"I'm still not conceding that it's a doll."
"Carol--"
"Jonathan--"
"It's a girl."
"It's an army girl."
"It's still a girl."
"With a gun."
"What?"
"A gun."
"What gun?"
"She has a gun."
"Where?"
"You have to purchase it separately."
"And did you?"
"Did I what?"
"Purchase it?  Did you purchase the gun?"
"No.  I don't believe in guns.  I don't want Brian being exposed to them."
"That's the problem!  That's why he doesn't have any boy toys!  That's why he's invested in dolls!  Because all boy toys have guns and you don't let him have any!"
"I've let him have Legos."
"Legos are for wimps, Carol."
"What about Lincoln Logs?"
"They're for dumb wimps.  They're for wimps who are overwhelmed by the complexities of Legos."
"Jonathan, I played with Lincoln Logs when I was a child."
"That's different, Carol, you're a girl.  You're never going to be expected to build a fire or raise a barn."
"I'm sure our son will be capable of starting fires and levitating barns without--"
"Levitating?"
"--having to play with gun-toting, serial killer action figures--"
"G.I. Joe is not a serial killer!"
"--just so he can develop a love of violence and destruction!"
"Didn't you say this--uh--"
"G.I. Jenny."
"G.I. Jenny--isn't she in the army?"
"I didn't say what army she fights in!"
"Is there some sort of love army that I'm unaware of?"
"She uses intelligence and cunning to defeat her enemies."
"Then what is the gun-sold-separately for?"
"It's there if she needs it.  If she chooses it.  It's all about choice.  Choosing to be a positive influence in the world."
"Okay...well...the thing is...IT'S A DOLL!"
"IT'S A LEARNING TOOL!"
"I don't want him playing with it."
"Why, Jonathan?  Are you afraid he'll learn to communicate effectively to resolve conflict?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm afraid of.  I'd like him to grunt and hit people as much as possible."
"He is keeping the...tool."
"He is not playing WITH A DOLL!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"

. . . . .

"Jonathan?"
"Yes, Carol?"
"When would you like to have the discussion about the dress?"
"About the...what?"