I Left My Dignity in Your Apartment

I need to come over
And get my dignity

I left it in the pile of socks
By your bed

Did we, at one point
Fondle each other
In that pile of socks

Is that why I smell like feet today?

I am revolting
I have mated with an idiot

In the days before condoms
I would be carrying your child right now

In the caveman days
There would be a little you
Growing inside me
Right at this moment

And I would throw myself in front of the tyrannosaurus
Rather than continue living

Do you or do you not
Have action figures
Above your bed?

I have now made love in front of Darth Vader
And it is not nearly as exciting
As I thought it would be

And what was with all the jars?
Was that actual hair in those jars?
Are you some kind of weirdo?

I mean, clearly you're weird
But are you a weirdo
Is being weird a part of your inner fabric?

It's your hair?

You save your hair?

For what?

(Please say cancer charities)

Chewbacca dolls?

F**k me

I'll be by tomorrow
To get my dignity
And fool around with you some more

Not because I want to
But because I sort of want to see the Chewbacca dolls

And besides
I think my dignity
Is long gone