If You Don't Get Into Harvard

Honey, your father and I just want you to know
That if you don't get into Harvard
We will still love you

We didn't want you to think that we will be disappointed
Or distraught
Or want to cry
Or throw things
Or lie and tell people you got in
But that you decided to join a cult instead
Because ultimately that would be less humiliating
Than not getting into the school of our--your--dreams

None of that will be the case

We will just as happy if you get into Br...Br...Brrrrrooo...

That other school

Or Yale!  Yale would be fine
Just because it's not Harvard
Doesn't mean it isn't...fine

Education is not about where you go
But how hard you work
Once you get there

And you can work hard anywhere
Even at places where you don't have to work so hard
Because nobody else is
Because the school isn't Harvard
And so why bother trying
Or...wait, where was I going with this?

Right

Harvard

Don't worry about it

It's not like your father and I have already told people
That you've gotten in
And that you got a full ride
And that you were selected for a special program
Where they allow you to study neuroscience
And foreign policy

We may have insinuated something like that
To a...few...of our friends
But that's not your problem

So when the letter comes in
Whether it's an acceptance letter
Or a letter covered in shame

Haha--little joke there

Whatever it is
We'll be happy

Because we have a wonderful child
Who makes us so proud
Just for trying

Now, go get ready for church
Mommy wants to go light a few candles