A Boy at Barnes and Noble

I just want a boy
Who works at Barnes and Noble

I want to meet him
Browsing the classics section

Pick up 'A Light in August'
And have him mention
That it's his favorite Faulkner

And I'll say 'I've never read Faulkner'
And he'll say 'You haven't?'
And I'll say 'Well, I've told people that I have, but I got twenty pages into "The Sound and The Fury" and couldn't make heads or tails of it."

Then I'll laugh a nervous laugh
And hope to God he doesn't make a run for it

And he won't

We'll get coffee in the cafe
Near the magazines

He'll say he buys Details
But only for the pictures
And I'll say I buy Atlantic Monthly
But only for the impressed look
On the cashier's face
And the faces of my friends
When they see it on my coffee table

'You have Atlantic Monthly on your coffee table,' he'll ask
And I'll say 'Yes, but I think my ruse is starting to wear off, because Clinton's on the cover.'

He'll laugh, oh god, he'll laugh
He'll laugh at me!

I mean, with me, he'll laugh with me
Or at what I'm saying
And that's just--fantastic

We'll browse the music section
And he'll make a pile of CD's
I have to listen to
And then realize
That buying all those CD's
Would run me about four hundred dollars
So instead, he says he'll just burn me a compilation CD
And I say 'Do people still do that?  Burn CD's?'
And he says 'Is there something else people do now?'
And I say, 'Yes, they just propose immediately.  There's no more courting at all.  We've reached our late twenties.  We are now terrified and in need of instantaneous commitment.'

He gets down on one knee
I'm not kidding
He gets down on one knee
And says--

'Do you want to get hammered with me at the Friday's across the parking lot?'

And I'll nod and fake cry
And we'll hug
And the people on the other end of the music section
Will applaud
Because they'll think it's an actual proposal
And they'll also think 'How strange that he proposed in the music section of Barnes and Noble'

And they won't know it's perfect

They won't know that a boy and books
And Barnes and Noble
Are all
Exactly
What I wanted