Duncan on Thayer Street

Duncan gets there at three
Fridays are days off
Meaning days when he's not looking for a job
Because it's taxing
Spending all week
Sitting in front of a computer
Looking for a job
So he gives himself Fridays off

'TGIF,' he walks around saying, 'God, I needed a day off'

His mother wonders if he means
A day in the sunlight
Since his room in the basement
Is rather dank, if dank is the word

A word meaning 'absolutely no natural light gets down there now that he put black construction paper over the windows because the sunlight was waking him up every day at nine am and he claims that he can't get into a looking-for-a-job mood until three pm.'

He parks off Hope and walks down
Because he doesn't want to deal
With Bowen Street
Or any traffic at all if possible

Duncan has a bad habit
Of parking in spots that aren't spots
Convinced that they're spots

'That's a spot, right?' he'll ask himself, not seeing the tow zone sign, 'Yeah, that's a spot.'

He goes down to the Starbucks
Planning to work his way up the street

There's a girl there he has a crush on
So he buys a water, just to have a reason to be in there
But a water only gets you about ten seconds of conversation
Before the line is out the door
And Duncan is somehow outside again
Watching the girl he has a crush on
Ring out three girls who act like they've never been to a Starbucks before

'Um...what are you getting?  Okay...um...well...wait...what are you getting?'
'Oh my God, guess what Josh said?'
'I'm starving.  I wish they had salads here.'
'Listen to this.'
'I think they do.'
'Not like, good ones.'
'Wait, what are you getting?'

He gets pizza and sees two kids he knew from high school
He tells them he's working on a book
Which isn't really untrue
Because in his heart there's a book
It's just a really long book
And the thought of writing it overwhelms him
And he doesn't deal well with anxiety

'So what's the book about,' the two kids ask him
'Ruby Ridge,' he says
'Wow,' they say
'Yeah,' he says, having no idea what Ruby Ridge actually is, having only heard it on the news this morning, some kind of anniversary of it or something?

It's enough to impress them
And within a few seconds
He's able to slip away
Having convinced himself
That he's fooled them into thinking
He's awesome

When in reality the first thing they say
When he walks away is--

'That asshole has no idea what Ruby Ridge is'

He gets drinks with his cousin
Who tries selling him pot
Right there in the restaurant

'Dude,' he says, 'Be cool'
'Dude,' his cousin says, 'This is totally fine.'
'Dude,' he says, 'It's really not.'
'Dude, nobody cares about pot anymore.  People only care about meth.'
'Dude, I'm pretty sure people still care enough about pot to not allow a transaction of it to occur in their restaurant.'
'Dude, do you want me to call the waitress over so she can tell you that this is okay?'
'Dude, I absolutely do not want you to call the waitress over.'

Duncan likes hanging out with his cousin
Because, in comparison
It makes him feel like an adult

By now, it's evening
And the street is becoming more crowded
With high school students
Who run up and down the street
Running into each other
And then freaking out over it

'I just saw Rich!'
'Where is he?'
'Johnny Rockets!'
'Oh my God, I'll die if I see him!'
'I know!  I died!'
'I'm going to walk by and see if I see him!'
'Oh my God!  I'll come with you!'
'Oh my God, I'm going to die!'
'I'm already dead!'
'WHY IS MY LIFE SO DRAMATIC?'

Duncan feels the urge
To walk three steps behind these girls at all times
Like a National Geographic camera crew
Following a pack of hyenas

Instead he ducks into the Avon
And catches a movie
About a village in France
That gets wiped out by Nazi's
Except for a little boy
Who grows up to be a world-class tuba player

It's called 'The Tuba' or 'Le Tube' or something
And Duncan feels smarter just watching it

After the movie, he gets ice cream at Ben and Jerry's
Where he talks to this girl who works there
Who knows the girl at Starbucks
That he has a crush on

'Is she single?'
'She's a lesbian.'
'No, no, no the pretty girl.'
'With the tattoo on her earlobe?'
'Yeah.'
'She's a lesbian.'
'Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.'
'No, I don't think you are.'
'She's definitely not a lesbian.'
'Why do you say that?'
'Because we have this thing.'
'A thing?'
'Yeah, we talk and it's a thing.'
'Okay, well, lesbians can talk.'
'But it's more of a...chemistry...thing.'
'Okay...'
'So she's a lesbian?'
'Yeah.'
'But is she single?'
'Why does that matter?'
'Because if she's single then...'
'Then what?  There's hope?'
'Um, well, there's more hope...'

That last line was the reason she charged him double
For his chocolate milkshake

Damn, he thought, I could have gotten two shakes at Johnny Rockets for that much
But then again, he countered within his own mind, I would have run into Rich
And apparently if you see him, you die

Apparently Rich is Medusa or the tape from The Ring

Half an hour before midnight, Duncan starts walking up Thayer
Towards Hope
Towards his car
Towards Saturday
Towards Sunday
Towards Monday
Towards next month
Towards next year
Towards many nights that will be similar to this one

The lesbian he's crushing on will move to Washington for grad school
Her friend at Ben and Jerry's will get married to an engineer and move to upstate New York
The hyenas will all fall in love with Rich and fight over him and he'll end up being gay and they'll marry guys who look like him but never truly feel anything like real love for the rest of their lives

The three girls in Starbucks will all write self-improvement books

Duncan's cousin will become a life coach

'Le Tube' will win the Oscar for Best Foreign Picture

And Duncan will forget where he parked his car
And wander up and down Hope
Trying to see if he can make it home
Before it's Saturday

Before it's time
To do something else