You Might Be Gay

Hey Thurt

How's it going, buddy?

Enjoying some Long Nose meat, I see

I'm really glad we decided to go free-range
The meat does taste a lot better

Although it did take a long time
For that Long Nose to just drop dead

The scaly meat creatures
Don't seem to live as long
But you really don't want to order scaly creature
On a Thursday
Since they usually die on Sundays
And then they've just been sitting by the watering hole all week
So you know they're not fresh and--

Anyway, the reason I came over to talk to you is...uh...

You and Rorf seem to be hanging out a lot

I notice that you two go often to the tar pits
Like, every other night or so

Do you...uh...

Well, how I can put this delicately...

Do you two plan on ravaging the women folk anytime soon?

I mean, if you're just waiting until you get your own club
So you can hit them over the head
Before you ravage them
Then that's totally fine

I'm as old-fashioned as the next guy
When it comes to ravaging

It's just that...well...people are beginning to talk

Granted, by people, I mean
The six of us that aren't you and Rorf

I was hoping you wouldn't put two and two together
But since we're the only people on the planet
And since we all have at least two fingers on our hands now
It didn't seem likely

We don't want to be nosey
It just seems odd
That you two spend so much time together

Krorg's my best buddy
And I can only spend so much time with him
Before I need some bumping time
With my missus

Don't you think you'd enjoy bumping time?

I can promise you
It's very satisfactory

Provided you don't get eaten by the Giant Cat
While you're doing it

But even then
What a way to go

...Already had bumping time?

...With who?

Thurt, you and Rorf haven't been...bumping the plants, have you?

Oh thank goodness

For a second there, I was concerned

Well, then who have you been bumping?

...Each other?

Oh Thurt, why couldn't it have been the plants?

Putting your mandalbom in the dirt
And rutting with the roots of a Scratchy plant
Would be understandable

But you and Rorf bumping?
That's just unnatural!

Thurt, have you considered the possibility that...

You might be gay?

Well that's when two males enjoy bumping time with each other
And also a little cave decorating on the side

It's rare, but it's happened
A few times in the history of our tribe

It never happens to the females
Because they don't have anything to bump with

Oh, that reminds me
I have to stoke the fire by myself tonight
The missus and all the women of the tribe
Are going to the Giant Vibrating Rock

I guess they just sit around and...talk...or something

Anyway, as I was saying
You and Rorf
Are probably gay

Back in the old days of the tribe
If we found out that someone was gay
We'd throw them in the tar pits
And have that be that

Luckily for you, things have changed a lot
In the last five days

We've become way more progressive
We're much more live-and-let-live-while-quietly-disapproving

It's not our place to say who you can bump with
Or spend time with or displease the gods with

And besides, we don't really need any more babies in the tribe
Ever since that last one got lost in the forest
And came back two years later with a horn
Growing out of its mouth

So go, be with Rorf
Be proud of who you are

Just make sure you're behind some sort of large stone object at all times
And deny your involvement with each other
At all times

Then everything will be fine!

Just between you and me, Thurt
I'm really happy for you and Rorf
If I had a son who was gay
I wouldn't care

I'd love him right up until the moment
I fed him to Big Teeth, Little Arms
As a sacrifice to the Water Gods

Here's hoping our future generations
Will be as accepting as we are