The Matador's First Date

I...uh...so what did...my...

What did Bill tell you it is that I...do?

Risk aversion?

Is that...even a thing?

I don't--that just doesn't sound like a...thing

I mean, I get it--kind of--I think--he might have been...joking.

I do, um, avert risk, I guess.

Who doesn't, right?

I mean, unless you're...

No, I guess everybody pretty much averts risk

Avoids it, averts it, is that?

Never mind

I, um, I...

I'm a matador

You know, like, bulls and...like bulls?

A bull...fighter, but, we don't--

It's matador.

I'm a...matador.

So...

Yeah

It's a good job, I mean, there's no...benefits, but...

The money's...you know

If you're a good one

If you do it...well

Which I do, I mean, I'm good at my job

I was in Spain, I mean, I was doing it in Spain for awhile
Had a house there, and--yeah

So that was pretty cool

I started doing it a few years ago

I lost my job as a high school English teacher
And that just seemed like the logical next step

I was sort of familiar with the whole profession

I read a lot of Hemingway as a teenager
So maybe that's where the idea came from

Maybe it burrowed down into my...psyche, or something

But, yeah, I do like it

Sometimes, it's a little--

I mean, not everybody goes crazy over it

You get the occasional fetishists, who are, like, fans

And I try not to date them

I did date a lot of them at first
When I first started
Because it was, yeah
But now I've cut back, you know, to...

Nothing

At all, ever

As far as...fans

Because, just, crazy, you know?

But then it was sort of like, pendulum swings opposite direction too far kinda thing
Because I went out with, like, three vegans
And I thought the last one was going to stab me right at the table with the salad fork
Which, is why, I asked that you get the soup

You know, just in case

But, you seem to be, taking it...well...so...

So that's, uh, a thrill haha

Yeah

It's weird to do something that becomes who you are

Like, you know, a doctor isn't an occupation
It's who you are
You're a doctor

You don't doctor
You are a doctor

Same thing with lawyers

When I was a teacher
I could go home
I could put it away
The teacher
I could stop teaching

For months at a time, you know, in summer
Except for that year I did summer school, I guess

Maybe the good teachers don't put it away
Maybe that's their trick
But I...

I used to put it away

But I don't put what I do now away

What I do now is who I am

I'm a matador

And I like that

I like that what I do reflects who I am
Or, at least, I've become what I do
And I think that's important

I think it's important for your identity
To mirror your actions
And our jobs, you know
Our jobs are our actions

Whether we like it or not
What we do is who we are
And if it's not, then it should be
And if we don't want it to be
Then we should do something else, you know?

So yeah, I avert risk
But also, I mean
A lot of the time
I look at it right in the eyes
And I say, 'C'mon motherfucker, bring it'

And arenas full of people cheer for me
And I wear a ridiculous outfit
And my sport is not really a sport
And it's kind of barbaric
And yet there is a oneness
Between myself and an animal
And a large crowd of people

And I'm a dancer and an artist and a savage and God
All rolled up in one

And I'm...a matador

You know?

Yeah

I think--yeah.

So...

What do you do?