You May Think That I Can't Kick Your Ass

Did you just suggest to me
That I go get my husband?

Is that your...suggestion?

Would that be because you're looking for a fight?

Because you were acting like a fool earlier at my husband's place of business
And he said a few things to you at his bar
That you didn't like
Right before he kicked you out?

And so rather than do something about it there and then
You went home and got even drunker than you were before
And decided to come here and wait for him
So you could jump out of the bushes and pounce on him
Like the wimp that you are

Well honey, if you're looking for a fight
You don't need to wait for him to come home

I can give you a fight

Hit a girl?

Who said you were going to get any hits in?

I was raised by a meat packer who boxed on the side
Five older brothers
And a woman who could kick all their asses
If they stepped out of line

So trust me, this isn't going to take very long

You may think that my husband can do a better job
Of beating you up than I can
But I've seen him beat up a guy before
And his left hook doesn't connect the way it should

You may think that I may be a little busy
What with running a household
And getting my kids ready for bed
And fixing the broken dishwasher
For the ninth time this week
But trust me, I've got enough time to clean your clock
And clean the spare room before I go to bed

You may think that I can't kick your ass
But if you'll kindly walk a few houses down
To Mr. Tenent's place
And ask him to show you which of his fingers
Still won't bend the right way
Because he didn't like how many gnomes I have in my front yard
Then I think you'll change your mind

So c'mon, you want to get what you came for?

Don't bother waiting for my husband
Because he'll only get here in time
To dial 9-1-1

And I don't like having passed drunk morons
With black eyes
Laid out in my front yard

So you can either go home right now
Or you can take the place of tomorrow's cardio class

It's entirely up to you

That's what I thought

Oh! 

--And don't go tripping over my gnomes when you walk away