What They Asked Me

The question they asked me
Was about being a woman
Obviously

I mean, obviously
They were going to go there

I knew, I mean
We had prepared
For it to be
Either
A question about me being a woman
Or a Conservative

Because it was going to be or the other
Or both, you know
Or both

And I thought, I wished
In my head, I went
Okay, I hope it's about being a Conservative
Because, you know
I had a really great answer
If it was about that

About how if you run as a Conservative
For the mayor of Providence
You're losing
I mean, you've lost

Rhode Islanders like Republicans as Governors
And Democrats as Mayors
Go figure, right?

Nothing gets done because of it, right?

It's almost like we enjoy the contradiction

Maybe it's meant to be checks and balances
But what it actually is
Is that nothing gets done

And I was going to say that too

I was going to talk about that
But instead
They went for the 'woman' question

And not just the 'woman' question
But the 'mother' question

The double whammy

They asked--what they asked me was--

'What would happen if there was a state of emergency and your son needed to be picked up at school because he wasn't feeling well?'

Yes, now
Maybe I'm paraphrasing that
But a little
I mean, only a little
A little bit, if that
I may even have it totally correct

And I think you should know
And this isn't a potshot
But I think you should know
That that question came from the Tribune
Which is a liberally owned and operated newspaper
Which is only pertinent
Because they, the liberals
Asked me, the Conservative
If I'd pick up my kid during a blizzard
If he had the sniffles

I mean, I'm surprised they didn't ask me
What my favorite brand of blender is
Or how much cocoa powder I put in my brownies

I mean, it was--I wanted to clock the guy

I won't lie to you

I wanted to haul off
And clock him

But instead, you have to laugh it off
You have to do the 'Ha ha ha' I'm not mad laugh
When really you just want to knee this guy
Right in the groin

So I--what I'd like to think was politely
But was probably passive aggressive and--whatever

I informed him that my son is nineteen years old
And so he hasn't needed to be picked up from school in quite awhile
But that anybody who can't run a state during an emergency
While driving to pick their kid up from school
Shouldn't be running a state in the first place
And that maybe--and this is where I should have stopped
Because I hadn't really hit the bitch button yet
Not quite yet, but--and I could see my campaign manager flagging me down
Like--stop now, you're good, but, you know, he pissed me off
Which is a crude way of saying it, but he did
He pissed me off, and I kept going and I said--

And that maybe if our current Mayor had to pick up his kid from school
While some crisis was happening
Then maybe he'd know how to multitask

...Silence

Because, as you know
The Mayor's son is...was...

Yes, well

I forgot about that

In that moment
I forgot about that
And I wasn't really making a comment about the Mayor
But moreso men in general
And if I had been a man
I wouldn't have been given that question anyway
And the minute I said it, I knew
But--and, keep in mind
The Mayor's son was killed by a drunk driver
So there was the driving element
And even though picking up someone from school
And getting killed by a drunk driver on your way home from work
When you're thirty-two years old
Are two completely different things
The media pieced the two of them together
And then--

There you go

Election--lost

Because I spoke out of turn

Because, okay, let's just say this
Because a woman spoke out of turn

Because I put my foot in my mouth
And no matter what I said after that
I was the bitch who had the gaul
To make a snide comment about a man who'd lost his son

And yes, of course, I sympathize with him
I'm not heartless

But he was running for Mayor
He did stay in politics
After his son passed away
And, in general, they weren't asking him
If he could handle running a city
That he had proven he couldn't handle running
And they should have been
They should have been asking him that
Instead of asking me
If I could handle taking a few phone calls
From the back of a limousine
While dealing with a personal matter at the same time
Because I'm a woman

Because that's what that was about

They wanted me out
They wanted me out of that race
And what's more, they wanted to publicly humiliate me
And watch me take it
To see how tough I was
Knowing all along
I was going to lose anyway

And I could handle that
I could accept that
Because that's what I signed up for

Nobody went into my campaign
Thinking we were going to actually win

But when they tried to paint me
As some cruel woman
Who attacks people who've lost their children--

I was getting hate mail from M.A.D.D.
I mean, come on!

It's just ridiculous
The whole thing is just ridiculous

And everybody knows it's ridiculous
And everybody knows it's going to stay ridiculous
And everybody knows what I meant
Because everybody knows what they asked me

And nobody cares

That's what really gets me

That's what--as smart as I'd like to think I am

That's what surprises me
Time after time