If You Scratch My Belly

If you scratch my belly
I will never eat your shoes again

I mean, never again

Never, ever again and--

Is that toast? Are you making toast?

Can I have some?

No, but really
Can I have some
Because I haven't eaten
Since ten minutes ago
And I'm starving
And I love you
And you should provide for me
Because I depend on you
And we should watch that show
With the guy who tells dogs to sit
And they don't bite him
Because that's fascinating
And--

Wait, I was asking for something

Um...OH! RIGHT!

Belly!

Scratch my belly

Please

I'm begging

Look how cute I am

You always say I'm cute
Except when I eat the shoes
But that's only when you don't feed me
Because I can't be expected to starve
And I have ancient hunter instincts
That have to be obeyed and--

Is that toast?

Did we discuss the toast already?

Because I feel like if we had
I would be eating toast already
And I'm not, so...

Can we get on that?

And can you scratch my belly?

If you scratch my belly
I will not pee anywhere
Ever again

I will stop peeing

Peeing will become part of my past

I won't even pee outside
Which seems okay with you
Even though peeing inside isn't
And even though I fail to see the difference
Between the two

I mean, you have trees inside the house
You just put them in little bowls

Why can't I pee on those trees
But the ones outside are okay to pee on?

Have you really thought this out?

Because the logic escapes me

And I'm...okay, what was I asking?

Let me think

I can't really think because I'm itchy and when I'm itchy--

RIGHT!

Scratch my belly

Please

It's growling so much
And the growling is making it itch
And the itching is making it hard to think
And I also keep thinking only about toast
Because I can smell some
And you're acting like you don't know what I'm talking about
And that's animal cruelty
Because you're creating a vicious circle
And can you solve at least ONE OF THESE PROBLEMS?!?!?

I AM SO UNHAPPY WITH MY CURRENT STATE OF BEING!

I...I...I...

Ahhh...

That was amazing

You truly have a gift

I can't remember the last time I was so happy

That was...

Wait, is there bacon?

Are you making toast AND bacon?

. . . . .

You know sometimes

It's like we take one step forward
And two steps back