Tongue

Yes, you heard me

I'd like to have my tongue removed

Oh, I really see no need for it

For one thing, I'm tired of talking

All I do all day is talk, talk, talk

I can't wait until I don't have to talk anymore

I look forward to it
The way some must look forward to retiring

No more phone calls
No more conversations
No more offering advice or tips
Or responses to things
I have no interest in responding to

If it were up to me, I'd have you cut my fingers off too
So that I wouldn't be able to type
And then I could truly be at peace

But I suppose that wouldn't be surgery
So much as mutilation

Well no, Doctor
Removing my tongue
Is completely different

Your job as a plastic surgeon
Is to moderate and/or eradicate the parts of myself
That displease me
And nothing displeases me more
Than my tongue

It's not particularly attractive
And even if it were
It's not like anybody can see it

If anything, I try hiding it at all costs

I've managed to cut all of my speech down to 'Mmmm's and 'MmmmMmmmm's

Slight difference, there

I doubt anybody will notice
Once my tongue is gone completely

As long as I can nod
And give pecks on the cheek
I should be able to weather any occasion
Including and especially charity balls

So please, if you could
Just take it right out

Hopefully it's an outpatient procedure

Actually, I have no idea what that means

Does it mean we do it outside?

That would be lovely

I'm not sure I would even need anesthesia
If I could hear birds singing
While you cut the tongue out of my mouth

Just make sure you don't nick my lips with your scalpel
Or damage any of my teeth

I still want to be able to smile

A good smile, Doctor

Now that's a necessity