Have I Got a Dog for You

Okay, here we go

I'm pitching now
And I pitch fast
I do fast balls
You like fast balls?
'Cause that's what I do
Here we go

A guy--a veterinarian
One of those guys
Who takes care of dogs

He's mean, see?

He's a mean vet

Maybe he doesn't try too hard to cure the animals
But he cures them--most of them
But one he doesn't cure
Because he shows up to work drunk
So the dog dies
But, you know, he's an old dog
So it's not that depressing
Not like he's going to be learning any new tricks

Hang on--

Myra, hold my calls, okay?
I don't want any calls

Well, I thought I heard my phone ring

Well, don't use the microwave when I'm having a meeting
It gets me excited, all right?

Not in the good way either

Hahaha--anyway, where was I?

Right, doctor kills dog--unintentionally
Dog goes to Heaven, of course
Gotta keep the kids happy
Maybe have Miley Cyrus play God
It'll be fantastic

Anyway, the dog comes back down to Earth
And decides to teach the drinking doc a lesson
So what does he do?

He turns him into a dog!

So now the doctor for dogs is--

Cue the opening credits--

The Dog Doctor!

Now, he's not a dog doctor all the time
Only when the door to the examining room is closed
And he's helping the animals
But you can imagine what his kooky busybody nurse is thinking!

Even though he's acting strange
He's also becoming a better man
And--

Here's your tagline

A better man's best friend!

Right?

RIGHT?

Hang on--

Myra!  Was that the phone?

Because if it is we might want to get it so that we don't--

Oh okay

Well don't make brownies during my meetings anymore

I realize you're using the regular oven and not the microwave
But that's besides the point!

I'm so sorry

I'd fire her
But she might be my daughter

Anyway, The Dog Doctor goes on all sorts of adventures
Maybe in one episode he takes down a ferret smuggling ring
And in the next one he learns about heroin abuse
From a strung out hamster

The possibilities are endless!

And have I got a dog for you!

Met him in the dog park yesterday
While I was having my supervised visitation with Myra
And this little guy came right up to me
And peed on my shoe

Right away, I knew that little wiener dog was a star

I looked right down at him
And the puddle of piss on my shoe
And I said--

That's my Dog Doctor!

It ended up being a little confusing
Since he's owned by a doctor
So the doctor thought I was accusing him
Of stealing his dog

I had to explain that there was no comma
In that sentence

That's my Dog Doctor!

Not--'That's my dog (comma) Doctor!'

Anyway, potatoes to tomatoes
That's not the point

The point is this could be the biggest hit
Your network has ever had

So what do you say?

Greenlight thirteen episodes
And option a second season
Ten minutes into the first one airing?

Myra!

Call Sparkles and tell him
To start leaning his lines!