Keith Richards Goes Shopping in China

What’s that?

Is it expensive?

Should I buy it?

Can I buy that or is it a thing?

Is it a thing that’s special?

I can never tell anymore
Whether we’re in malls or museums

It’s always either one or the other

Last week I tried to buy a Rodin
And the week before that I was looking for a curator
To explain a hair dryer to me

I thought it was modern art or something

Are we in China?

Well they don’t have malls in China
They do have museums though
That's what the phonebook told me

Are we here for a show or just because?

Because if we’re here just because
I’m going to eat a sandwich

I don’t like to eat before a show normally

I try to avoid eating before a show
And after a show

Although sometimes I’ll eat during a show
When Mick’s doing his kicking

I used to be able to eat a pastrami on rye
During ‘Beast of Burden’
And nobody ever noticed

Those were the good old days

How old are you?

Twenty-six?

They still make twenty-six year olds?

That’s amazing

That’s truly something

When I was in my twenties I didn’t speak—to anyone

Ever

It was very important to me
To maintain a sense
Of mystery

I also never used the loo

Held it in for years

That’s how you know I’m a rock star

Mick used to tinkle four times an hour
Which should tell you something

Is this a real cat?

Can I pet it?

Can I buy it?

Can it sing?

Oh, well

I don’t need a cat that doesn’t sing

What would be the point?

Can we get spaghetti after this?

Isn’t this where they invented spaghetti?

Didn’t Mark Wahlberg find it?

What?

Who is he?

Then who’s Mark Wahlberg?

No, I wouldn’t know who that is

I don’t watch movies

Seeing anything on film makes me seasick

Were we in Belgium yesterday?

I remember taking a train to Belgium
And somebody letting me ring the bell

Don't trains have bells?

Maybe I tooted the horn then

You know in China
They have parades
And I was in one once

Not in China
But in a Chinese parade
In German town, I think

Isn't there a German town in Spain?

When I was in my twenties
I always knew about maps and geology
And what kinds of rocks
Go with which kind of china

It's important to be a man of the world

No, not in the world
If you were in the world
You'd burn up
Because in the world
Is the fireplace
From Masterpiece Theater

Can we go home now or do I have to play a show?

All right, but tell the cat not to strut around so much

I don't know who he thinks he is