Mr. Ibsen

Mr. Ibsen, I was wondering if I could...

...Have a word

I have just finished your script
And, well, oh my

Mr. Ibsen, it is...

...Atrocious

Mr. Ibsen, please tell me
That what I just read
Was some sort of horrid prank
Designed to cheer me up
Since my last husband has not yet returned
From his trip to the Arctic

It is his third in two years

I used to think he was adventurous
Now I just think he's suicidal
And a bit melodramatic

Back to your script

This Hedda Gabler is it...serious?

Well, of course it's serious
It's overly serious
It's like reading embalming instructions

I mean, are you serious?

Mr. Ibsen, I realize you are the writer
And a genius, a true genius
Not exactly the life of the party
But then again, geniuses rarely are

The point is, though you are a genius
And though you have made your living
Erring on the side of the...dramatic
This piece is, well...

Mr. Ibsen

It is not dramatic
It is dreary

Oh, please don't misunderstand me, Mr. Ibsen
I would adore acting this role
Just not in front of anybody

What an awful woman, Mr. Ibsen
How could you think of something this repulsive?

This is worse than that play you wrote
About that irresponsible lunatic
Who left her husband and children
Just because she danced the Tarantella

That's not why she left?

Well, then that was very confusing, Mr. Ibsen

If a person can't take a little nap during Act One
Without completely losing track of the plot
Then what hope is there for the theater?

This woman, this Hedda, is the worst character
In the history of writing

What sort of woman does that kind of thing?

Medea? Who's Medea?

Is she the Jervens' new nanny? I heard they got a Greek this time around

It's not bad enough she hides things from her husband
And carries on privately with another man
Having conversations right in her living room
That her husband doesn't know about

But then she just walks away from the whole thing at the end
As if nothing's happened?

What?

She what?

Well, of course I didn't finish reading it!
I didn't want to ruin the ending for myself
For when I actually had to perform it!

Mr. Ibsen, I will not shoot myself offstage
Onstage is one thing
But offstage?

How will I even hear the applause?

I am sorry, but performing this role
As it is written
Is out of the question

Perhaps if you could...lighten it a bit?

I mean, it's so outrageous anyway
Would making it a comedy
Be that far-fetched?

Instead of her shooting herself at the end
What if it turned out that she dreamt the whole thing?
And she could wake up in a forest
Surrounded by fairies
Who tell her that she's really a princess
And she could live forever
Amongst the immortal ones

Doesn't that sound lovely?

I could help you

After all, what is a writer
But an actor
Who isn't afraid to improvise?

May I have a writing instrument?

Oh, this is going to be fun, Mr. Ibsen

Actually, may I call you Henrik?