But He'll Call Today

So I read this book about relationships
And about how long you should expect to wait
Before a guy calls you
After a date
A good date, obviously
Not just any date
But a successful date
Where there was clearly a connection
And shared feelings
And intellectual conversation

So if you have one of those dates
You look at this book
And it'll tell you how long you should wait
For the guy to call
And if he doesn't call by then
Then it means the date wasn't all that good
And you're just a big idiot
Who can't even tell
Whether she's on a good date
Or a bad date

So, he has until today to call
Until midnight
Of course, I'm hoping he calls before then
Because if he calls at midnight
Then that would be a little weird
Of course, he could be a night owl
But if I'm being honest with myself

Which I'm usually not
Honest, I mean, with myself anyway
Then I'd say he should call by, like, what?

Eight?
Nine?
Ten thirty the latest?

And if he doesn't call by then
I may as well just, you know
Cross that one off the list
Not that I have an actual list
But, like, you know
The metaphorical--list

If there was a list, a physical list
He'd be the only one on it anyway

The only other guy I've dated besides him recently
Was this guy
Who was nice and I liked him
And then he met this British girl who was visiting the country
And obviously I just couldn't compete
Because, c'mon, she's British
I mean, with that accent
Even I'd date her

And what can you do, you know?

I mean, should I call England
And ask them to stop sending over girls?
Because we don't have enough date-able guys as it is?

But then there was this guy
And I thought it went well
I really did

And I know you shouldn't base everything
On a book

But the fact is
There is a time limit
On how long someone goes
Before getting in touch with you
If they like you

If they were excited by you

If they, you know, want to see you again
And are worried
That some other awesome guy
Is going to snatch you up first

I mean, usually they call
And maybe not right away
But they call

They definitely call

And he...

. . . . .

He's not going to call

You know, it's funny
I just...

I mean, I honestly
Just got it

He's not going to call

He was never going to call

Wow, it just...

It just feels like I shouldn't have needed a book for that

It just feels like...

Like I should have figured it out
A long time ago