This Is Your Bedtime

If you don't go to bed
When it's your bedtime
Continents crumble
And fall into the ocean

Butterflies everywhere
Turn into gross, slimy lizards
And they gross themselves out
And run around screaming lizard screams
Until the morning
When they get to be butterflies again

This is your bedtime

It is a time that has been decided
By parents across the world

All children must go to bed at this bedtime
Or they will be grumpy and angry in the morning
And their parents will wonder
Where their beautiful
Loving, happy-all-the-time
Children
Have gone

Oh sure, some children
Do not go to bed at this time
But those children have terrible ogre parents
Who have bad breath
And hairy feet
And who give their children bad haircuts
And feed them only sour pickles

You do not want to be
One of those children

And so, this is your bedtime

This is not my bedtime
Because I am your parent
And when you are a parent
You get many advantages

Unlimited cookies
The right to say bad, bad words
That children should never say
And the ability to make your own bedtime

And so I encourage you to one day have children
So you can enjoy these privileges

But you will also stay up late, late at night
Worrying about your children

Are their clothes clean enough?
Are their dinners tasty enough?
Do they love me
Even though I make them go to bed
Earlier than they would like?

You start to wish
You could go to bed
Before your kids do
And get more sleep

But that's not how it works

So this is your bedtime
Enjoy it

And I love you

And I'll see you
In the morning