A woman shops for a belt
Just a belt
Only a belt
We are only here for a belt
We arrived at the mall at noon
That was several months ago
The belt has yet to be found
Shoes have been found
Dresses have been found
A lion cub has been found
Hiding in the middle of the clearance rack
I've adopted it
And named it Coco
And taught it tricks
While my wife
Shops
For a belt
I say my wife has no concept of time
And people think I'm vocalizing that old cliche
But I mean it in a very literal sense
My wife
Has no concept
Of time
She can actually transcend time
While shopping
She comes home occasionally
Thinking she's been done for an hour
To find that our children are grown
And I've remarried and divorced twice
While we've been here in this department store
I've evolved
I've developed gills and feathers
Technically, I could fly out of here right now
And directly into the nearest body of water
Where I could live happily for the rest of my life
But apathy has washed over me
Like a cool, calm tide
While my wife looks for a belt
I see other men looking at me
Tears roll down their faces
Like that Indian
In the pollution commercial
From the seventies
They don't know that I've evolved past grief
And anger
And pretty much everything
That would involve me going through this experience
As a normal human being might
It's the only way to protect my sanity
When we leave this mall
There will be no more oxygen
Or atmosphere
Or war
Or hair
Humans will have waists
That automatically adjust
To fit whatever pants are around them
So you see
Belts
Will not
Be necessary
Isn't that funny?
I could tell my wife that
But I'd rather not disturb her
She's like a gazelle when she's shopping
Frighten her
And she'll run into the appliances department
Where you may not see her for months
So I just let her be
Time, after all
Is relative
After awhile, you start to see it
Its grains
All falling
Like rain from the sky
And as long as you look at it that way
Spending eternity
Looking for a belt
Really doesn't seem
That bad
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