To Get This Paper Signed

Please, you have to understand--

I have until noon today
To get this paper signed
Or they're going to send my girlfriend home

She's--I mean, she's not like--

I'm not talking about a fucking terrorist here, okay?

She's British
She's from Britain
England
Like, she's practically American

We CAME from England!
The pilgrims
Does this make sense?

I have until noon today
To get this signed
Or she has to go back
Okay?

Because the whole illegal immigration thing
Has just become so fucking insane

That now we're sending back people who speak English
Who actually speak PROPER English
Because most of us don't speak English
We speak American
And who knows?
I mean she might actually be able
To teach me something
I mean, you never know, right?

Listen, I am in love with this girl
I am madly, honestly in love with her
And she cannot go back
And she's done what she was supposed to do
And we went through all the, you know, the paperwork
And I have it, I have the paperwork
And then today there's like, this--

--NEW paperwork

That has to be done
By TODAY
By NOON today
And that is--

I mean, how did that even happen?

We just got this in the mail today
And now she's back at my place so upset
I mean, she's crying and--

THIS IS INSANE!

She is not an immigrant

She is not some mooch
Who's like trying to steal work
Or, like, infiltrate the country
She's just visiting, okay?

She's just visiting
And she'd like to stay a little bit longer
And I don't see what that's an issue

She just wants a little more time
Please, okay?  Please!

I'm going to ask her to marry me

I'm going to ask her
But I--

I had this whole thing worked out
This great night
At like, this restaurant
That you can't even get into
Until, like, two months after you call
There's, like, a waiting list
So we have to wait two months
And so we're waiting
And we're close
And today
TODAY
We get this in the mail

And now you're telling me
The person who can sign this
Isn't here until NOON?

Are you KIDDING me?

SHE'S NOT ILLEGAL!

She's just...

She's just...

Man, fuck you

Fuck YOU

I just...

I just need time, okay?

I just need a signature
And a little more time
And...

Please

What is it, you know?

Like, what is it exactly
That I'm asking for
That's so hard to give?

It's just a little more time