By This Time

Success is supposed to be progressive

You're supposed to have a little success when you're young
Then more success when you get older
Culminating in some sort of
Massive final work
That encapsulates everything you've done
From your birth
Until the moment
You take your last
Breath

But that's not how it works

Instead, you have your big, break-out hit
At the age of twenty-two
And you never do anything even remotely that successful again
Unless you're really, really lucky
And the thing about me is that
I am not really, really lucky
I'm not even a little bit lucky
So odds are, this may be the last time you hear from me

Imagine being asked to speak at a college
When I didn't even go to college
And have no intention of going to college
Now that I have a best-seller underneath me

That's what it feels like, by the way
It feels like the book is underneath me
Propping me up

I often wonder how long until that foundation begins to crumble...

Even now, my success is tempered with harsh reality

Ahead of me on the New York Times best-seller list
Is a dating book
That advises women as to how long they should wait
To receive a call from a man after a date

The book is actually titled 'The Call'
And it is in first place by a landslide
While my little autobiography
Is nestled into second place, respectively

Imagine seeing the story of your life
Sitting beneath a book
With a cartoon woman on the cover
Holding a cartoon carton of ice cream
With a speech bubble over her head that reads--

'What's wrong with me?'

The good news is they're not inviting that author
To come speak at colleges

--Probably because they can't afford her

So you get me
Mrs. Second Place

I'm just being facetious
Don't mind me

People think I'm cocky
Because I've experienced success so young

Because I even managed to finish a book
Before the age of forty
When all serious authors come into their own

But if there's anything you should take from today, it's this:

My time is up

And I'm not being facetious
When I say that

This is my era of success
And once it's over
It will be over

You can only wear the novelty of being a young author so long
Before you're not young anymore
And then you need to deliver even more
Than you did when you were young
And you didn't know any better

So many people have said to me--

When I was your age I was only doing this
Or only doing that

I hadn't accomplished anything

They say it with the expectation
That more great things
Are to come

When I was your age I was...

And I want to say to them

I wonder what I'll be doing
When I'm your age

I wonder if I'll have anything
To look forward to...