When You Take Your Time

I'll have my mother done first
That'll be easy
Because she's older
Things happen to older people
And nobody asks that many questions

A slip and fall in the tub
A car accident because she's not paying attention
A trip down the stairs
Because she lives alone
Anything can happen

I'll wait a few years
Before I deal with the girl
I'll give her the promotion she wants
And then two years or three years from now
When she's stopped worrying about whether or not
I'm going to try and keep her quiet
I'll see that she's taken care of

She'll just have to disappear
But aside from the eight guys she's screwing
At any given time
I doubt anybody will notice she's gone

You can't leave an issue like that unattended
With my mother, it's about business
She's trying to get me off the board
And she's unscrupulous

She'll tell you how much she loves you
Right as she's holding the gun up to your head

With the girl, it's just the fact
That I don't like being made a fool out of

I don't like loose ends

At least she didn't try getting pregnant
That was the trick
The last one pulled

The last one I bought off
But you get to a certain age
And you get a little sick of writing checks

You get a little sick of being stepped on
By your mother
By nineteen-year-old sluts
By your wife

I'm going to have to wait on my wife though
But that's all right

Truth be told, she hasn't done anything to me
I just find her annoying

But I put up with a lot over the years
I can do five, six more years with her
Before I tell everybody she wrote me a Dear John letter
And ran off to Europe
With some guy I'd never heard of before

A lot of guys would see all these problems
A conniving mother
A blackmailing bitch who wants a promotion
Just because she blew you a couple of times
And a wife with this voice that--

Shit

Anyway, they'd see all this
Hanging above them
And they'd collapse
Waiting for it all to drop

Me?

I just wait

I just pick out one thing at a time
And eliminate it

When you take your time
You get everything done
And nobody suspects
That anything that happened was intentional
Or malicious
Or planned

They just think it's life

Life being cruel

Because people die
And people go missing
And people take off
And never come back

And that's life

So I don't worry

I just let take my time
And when people ask
About this or that
I say--

'Well, that's life'