The Time Stamp

The first thing you should know about my father
Is that he might have been crazy

I can't really say how crazy
Because I was fairly young when he died
And at that point
He hadn't done anything wild
Like quit his job to open a llama farm
Or join a minor political party

He did, however
Have a more than unusual fascination
With time

He used to read piles of books
On theory and space and whatever-the-hell
Those weird science books
Talk about

I'd want to talk to him about baseball
And he'd say stuff like--

'Everything that shouldn't happen
Hasn't happened.'

And I'd say--

'Pop, I think you're a little mixed up'

But he'd just shrug his shoulders
And go on shaving his arms

That was what he'd do on Thursdays

Sometimes something would happen
Usually something good
And I'd see this panic light up in his eyes

Then he'd grab me and say--

'Remember those, okay?  Time stamp it.'

And I didn't know what that meant

But I had to close my eyes
And stand stock still
And wait until he'd say it was okay
To open my eyes and do something else

He'd only do it with me
My mother refused

So every time we had to time stamp something
It was like he and I
Were having our own little
Joint seizure

When I got older I started dreading having to do it

Then the day I graduated high school
And we were taking photos
Outside of my school
With all my friends around

He closed his eyes and started to say--

'We should--'

But I cut him off

'No,' I said, 'I'm not doing it, Pop.  It's stupid.'

You wanna know what you regret most
When you get to be my age?

You regret telling your parents
That something that mattered to them
Was stupid

The look I saw in my father's eyes...

I might as well have stabbed him with a knife

And he never asked me to time stamp anything again

You know, it's funny

All those things
Those things he made me stamp?

I remember them

I do

I remember them
Like they're paintings
Two inches from my face

That's how clear they are

And I remember that look in my father's eyes
On the day I graduated high school
But I don't remember graduation itself

And I don't remember much after that either

Hell, I don't even remember an hour ago so well

My memory, it's...

Memory's a gift, you know?

It really is

Like a piece of silver

I think my Pop just wanted to remind me
That every once in awhile
You need to polish it up a little bit
Or it loses its...

Well, uh...

What was I saying?

Something about my father, right?

God, he was crazy sometimes
He used to make me do this thing
This stamping thing
Where I...

We, uh...

God, you know, I can't...

I...

Well

Never mind, I guess

I guess it can't be all that important