Running Out

My son called me in tears
A few minutes ago
Because his girlfriend
Who is visiting America
From England
Has to leave the country

Apparently her time has run out
Despite all this running around
My son did
To try and keep her here

Time's up

I was drinking my coffee
Listening to him
Trying to talk him down
Because I was just--
I mean, he was hysterical
And he kept saying 'Mom, you don't understand'
And he's young, you know?
I mean, he's been dating this girl for--

Not very long
Obviously
But, you know
Don't judge him
He's young
He's a romantic
Which means
Stupid

But, you know
Young and stupid
So it's acceptable

And I'm sitting here
Drinking my coffee
Listening to him
And I think of the guy I work with
Who just got diagnosed with cancer
Like, the serious kind
Like, the he-won't-be-okay kind
And he just found out this week
And I just thought--

Okay, gotta be a little philosophical here
Forgive me, okay?

I thought about how
You reach a point in your life
Where time stops being ahead of you
You know what I'm talking about?

If you don't
You will
One day
Trust me

You reach a point
Where you feel yourself falling
Forward
In time

Like, things are just hurtling past you

Events, birthdays, life

It's just--

It's just really clear
When you reach that point
That you're not going to live forever
And that life is not just short
It is fucking momentary

It is instantaneous, right?

Bang, and it's done

And here's my son
With his heart breaking
And here's this guy I know
With his life ending
And here's me with my coffee
And I can feel it

I can feel age
Almost--

Like, it's sitting there with me

Watching me
Watching me realize this

And it's going--

Yup, you got it

You figured it out

And I tell my son I love him
And he's gotta get some paper signed
And he won't, but I don't want to tell him that
And I rinse my mug
And I get dressed for work
And I look in the mirror

And I try to see if I can see it

If I can see the life in me

See how much I got left

And I can't, you know?

I can't see it

And I wish I could end this
With one thing or the other
But the truth is--

I couldn't see how much
I have left in me...

And I couldn't tell
If that was good
Or bad