The Table That Won't Leave

They won't leave
They've been here for eight hours
They've been here for two different shifts
I've given them two different waiters
Both of whom are rude
And would scare off
Any reasonable person
And they just
Won't
Leave

Don't they have homes?
Don't they have living rooms
With nice couches
And televisions
And coffee pots?

Oh right, they're going to want more coffee
They keep drinking it and drinking it
And I never see them use the restroom

How do I know they're not peeing under the table?

I mean, this is a legitimate concern

What if they're planning
Some sort of terrorist act?

Should I call the F.B.I.?
Could they get them out of here?

Two people have joined the table
In the past hour

They just keep sucking people in

And the new people get coffee
And then they want salads
Coffee and salads
And you know
You KNOW
Nobody's getting a good tip out of this

Good tippers
Do not order
Coffee and salad

What if I set off an air horn?

I mean, that's not technically impolite
It's just setting off an air horn
I mean, this is America
If you can't make loud noises--
See the terrorists at that table
Don't want us having that kind of freedom!

Wait, wait
I think they're leaving

They're getting up
They're stretching
They're--

Sitting back down

They're looking at the desert menu

Do me a favor
Tell my wife I love her

Who knows when I'll see her again?