The Ride Back

She was like, you have to come back
And I'm like--I'm in New York
You know?
Like, I'm in New York
I can't just drop everything
And come back
And I was just there for Christmas
I mean, yeah, it was a few months ago now
But I was going to come back for break too
And she's like--I'm off, I'm just off

Meaning, like, she's off
Because she has seasonal whatever
Seasons fuck her up
But like, it's not even really winter
I mean, look at it out
It's gorgeous
How can she be depressed?
But she is
So I have to hurry back
From my life
From the shit I've got going on
Because she's falling apart

And you know, I said I wasn't going to be that guy
Who broke up with his girlfriend
Because he went to college
But we were supposed to have our own lives
We were supposed to do our own thing
And then, you know, stay in touch
And stay connected
But she's like a fucking remora on me
Just, like, sucking my blood or whatever
Living off me
And, like, what about my time, you know?
Isn't this supposed to be my time too?

Because this is the thing about her
She can suck up all my time
And it's no big thing
It's no big thing
Because she takes that time
And turns it into time for her

Into, you know, all the time she wants
While meanwhile I'm panicking
Fucking panicking
About her
About if I'm going to get there in time

Because one time
One time--I blew her off
And she fucking...

Sliced herself up like a fucking cliched whatever, you know?

So now I have to go home
I have to go home
Because if I don't then--

And I can't even enjoy the ride back
You know?

I just keep checking my phone

For messages
For texts
For the time

See how long before I get there
Wondering if she's going to be fine
Or be a mess

And wondering which would be worse

That's terrible to say, I know, but...

I'm sick of having this be everything
I'm sick of having this take up
All my time