Israel

So he wants to go to Israel
He says now is the time
Now is the time
To go to Israel

I said 'There is never a time
To go
To Israel'

And I had to say this slowly
Because I was worried
That maybe he'd lost his mind
And this was all the result
Of some aneurysm in his head
Like in that movie with John Travolta
Where he speaks Portuguese for no reason
And falls in love with Kyra Sedgwick
And, I mean, you'd have to have SOMETHING wrong with you
To fall in love with that woman
She looks like an exotic fish

Not that they aren't pretty
In their own way

Any way, he kept saying
This is the time
This is the time for a change
And I kept saying--

'Okay, but does the change HAVE to be Israel?'

Apparently he doesn't watch the news
Or read or anything

He just knows that he's Jewish
And at some point
In every Jewish person's life
They have to go to Israel
To get blown up
By crazy people

Apparently that's a thing now

Now I'm not anti-Semitic
Or Anti-Palestinian
Or Anti-anything

I think they're all insane

I understand fighting for prime real estate
But why you would fight for the desert

--THE DESERT

Is beyond me

And I don't believe Jesus lived there either

I believe Jesus lived in Palm Springs
And the Catholics just don't know their geography

Anyway, I told him that we are NOT moving to Israel
We're not even taking a VACATION in Israel
And I don't care if they build Israel Disney World
And fly us over there first class

We are NOT going there

There are certain things
That have no time

There is never a time
To put vinegar on anything

There is never a time
To wear slippers
In an unironic fashion

And there is never a time
To go somewhere
You've never been before
Because millions of years ago
Your ancestors walked
With Jesus and the dinosaurs there

There
Is never
A time

For any of that

And saying 'It's time'
Won't change that
At all

. . . . .

So he's going alone

He's going alone and I...

Well...

It seems

I'll have a lot of time on my hands

From now on