Stolen Time

Well, see what happens was...

We were waiting
Until we could get settled
Until we could, you know
Get ourselves settled
And whatnot
And we just...

You know, we ran out of time
I mean what more can you say?

We just ran out of time

And how was I to know that, you know?
How was I to know?
How was either of us to know?
And my husband
He talked about treatments
How we could do these treatments
But then I had the surgery
And it turned out I'd have to lose...

I mean, after that
There weren't any treatments we could...

And so I started going to this support group
With my girlfriend
Who's also unable to, um, conceive
And we were talking
And this woman next to us
She overheard us
Talking about adoption
And how, like, you know
It takes years, right?
I mean, it takes an insane amount of time
To adopt a child
Plus the tests and the stress
And who knows if we'd even qualify, you know?

And this woman, who overheard us
Told us how she was getting a kid
And how it wasn't going to take any time
Because she found this guy you could call
Who could get you a kid
A baby, or whatever
You know, if you wanted one a little older, then...

Oh my God, this sounds...

It didn't really sound that bad
She said it was just a means of getting a child
Without all the red tape and the--whatever
And she gave me the guy's number

And I called, and...it was a lot of money
I mean, it was a lot of money
But my husband and I
We were set up now, you know?
So we figured--why not?

We were going to spend it anyway
On treatments and adoption and whatever else
And so we said--Okay
We said--Go ahead

And we figured, you know
That this was just--

You know, this guy finding a young mother
Who can't afford to have the kid that she has
And she doesn't want to go through the whole adoption process
So she takes this cash
And that's it
And then we get our baby
You know?

But...um...

Fuck

He showed up with this boy
This four-year-old boy
Who was crying
And had...like...wet himself
And...

I'm sorry
This is all so...

I mean this was just...

We're talking like, a day ago

And the boy--

I mean, we had asked for a girl
And a baby
Not a four-year-old

My God, not that that's even important, but...

He was crying
And I was telling him
You know, it's okay, it's okay

And my husband is on the phone
Trying to call the guy
Because this kid
This boy is talking about, you know

--The bad man.  The bad man.  He took me.

And I'm saying--Call the police

But we paid this guy
You know?

Like, we PAID this guy
So does that make us...?

I mean, are we complicit in this now?

That's what I'm asking

And the kid is crying
And I'm crying
And my husband is saying the number is disconnected
And we're out all our money
I mean, that's what this means
We are out ALL our fucking money now
Because of me
Because of that fucking woman at the support group
And my friend who dragged me there
Who told me this was a bad idea
And I'm like--Well, what should I do?

Get a motorcycle like you and your husband did
And travel across America
Like that replaces actually being able
To have a child?

So I'm just hugging this kid
And he's hitting me
Because I'm a stranger, you know?

He doesn't know who I am
He doesn't know that I don't know the bad man who took him
He doesn't know that I didn't know about any of this
That I'm a good person
That I didn't want things to happen this way

And finally, you know
He just, like, sort of passes out
From, like, I don't know
Shock, maybe?
Exhaustion?

And he's sleeping on our couch
And his pants are still wet
And his nose is running
And his eyes are red
And he's just...

I mean, I look at my husband
And I say, What do we do,  you know?

What do we do now?

And we just sort of sit
Like, on the floor
In our living room
And I'm just...

I mean, I'm a messs
And I realize somewhere out there
Is a woman
Just like me
Losing her mind
Because her child is gone
Because obviously that's what happened
That's what just happened
That's what I initiated
This all happened
Because I wanted to, you know, cut the line
And so I'm just losing my shit
And my husband says, you know
Maybe we should just wait
And I'm saying 'Wait?  Wait for what?'
I mean, someone is missing their kid
Someone is in Hell right now
We have to call the police
But my husband said
You know, what I said earlier

We paid for this
We gave this guy our money
We, you know, without meaning to but still--

We are involved with this

And he said, Let's just wait, you know?

Let's just wait
And see what happens

And I thought--

I thought, Okay
We'll wait

We'll just wait

...I didn't really think...

I mean, I haven't really thought
About how long

About how long we're going to wait

Until we do something

Until we try
To figure all this out