When I Retire

I was checking my ex-boyfriends Facebook yesterday
You know, when we were doing that focus group statistic whatever
Well, that was boring the shit out of me
So in between subtracting whatever from whatever
I'd read this note my ex posted on Facebook
About how everyday he'd play the lottery
And then he didn't play
And his numbers came out
And I remember that
Because he always used to play my birthday

And when those two Rhode Islanders won
The numbers that came out
Were my birthday
And I remember thinking--

Oh please don't let that asshole win the lottery
Playing MY birthday

I would have killed myself

Do you have any idea how badly
I want to just quit
Just walk out of here

That intern's quitting today
She says either she's quitting
Or she's getting that promotion
That they already gave the other girl
So either way, in my opinion
She's winning

Because, yeah, times might be tough
And we should be grateful to have what we have
And yeah, I know all that
But all I can think about
Is how nice it would be
To not have to wake up
So fucking early tomorrow

Sorry, but seriously
I hate it

Morning is an ungodly time

I drive here
And pass that park
Where all those old people jog
Every morning

They're probably out there
Hours before I drive by

And I can't help but think:

Why would you work your entire life
Just so you could get up at dawn
To go jog?

I mean, really
What is the point of retirement
If you're going to spend it
Doing stupid shit
Like jogging?

I plan on sleeping
For the first year
After I retire

By that point, I'll be old
So I mean, what'll I be missing, really?

You spend your whole life
Being productive
Doing so much with your time

Then you get older
And you try to get more time
You try not to waste the time you have

Why not just say fuck it
And waste it all

Like a gambler
Let it ride

That's what I'm going to do

I'm going to let it all go
All that time
Right through my fingers

I'm going to lay in bed
And watch terrible tv
And enjoy the feeling of my life
Just passing me by