The Time to Talk

Listen

I think it's safe to say
We've reached a point
Where it's no longer necessary to talk

Clearly you and I
Are a horrible match for each other

I mean, I'm an up-and-coming professional
And you're an unkempt Bohemian nutjob
Who probably thinks IPO
Is some sort of polka rock band

But I've got good news for you

Though this date has been a colossal mistake
And though I will never ask anybody out on a date
After meeting them at an organic yogurt shop
And though I could just send you home
So you can hang out with your roommates
And listen to those Australian gospel choirs you were talking about
I'm going to grant you a reprieve

I'm going to allow you to have sex with me tonight

Now, you're going to have to shower first
And I'll also want you to do something about your bangs
Maybe there's an all-night salon
Somewhere on the west side
We can stop at
Before heading back to my apartment
Oh, and you should know that I'm into play-doh

You don't know what that means yet
But you will

Why toss off an entire night, right?

Time is precious
You have to make the most out of everything
Suck up every silver lining
And turn it into golden opportunity

See?  This is why I'm in the life coaching business

Now, tonight could have been a wasted chance
But instead, we're going to turn it
Into a bucket
A great big golden bucket
And we're going to fill that bucket up
With erotic possibilities

No, no, no, no, no
Let's not try to talk our way into
Something meaningful

We've talked all night
At least you have
At least it seems that way
I haven't really been paying attention

The point is
The time for talking is over

Now's the time to get the check
And walk to the car
And avoid the homeless
And safely go to second base
In the car on the way to my place

Then fall into a bed
And relish the fact
That we're two mature adults
Who know better
Than to take advantage
Of the treasure
That is youth
And time

Sh...Don't say a word

I think I've said enough
For the both of us