The Time It Takes to Die

There's a reason I hate flying

Because, of all the modes of transportation
Flying is the one where--

If something goes wrong
If there's an accident

Then there's a sizable amount of time
When you know you're going to die
And you just have to wait
You just have to wait for it
To arrive

Car crash--usually instantaneous
Or you go into it
Thinking
I've got a chance
I might make it

Train derailment--odds are still good
Boat sinking--Well, people survived the Titanic, right?
Parasailing accident?--Don't laugh, my cousin was in one

But a plane going down
Means you have virtually no chance
And you know it
You know you have no chance
And as soon as you know it's happening
You also know that your time is running out

That's what scares me

Not dying
But knowing that I'm going to die

Having to sit
And wait for it

While it rushes up
To meet me

That, to me
Would be the worst feeling
In the world

Now, let's talk about my husband
And his nut allergy

My husband has a nut allergy

If he eats nuts
He knows that he has a limited amount of time
To inject himself
Before his lungs close up
And he dies

That's really all you need to know
About the nut allergy

What you should also know
Is that my husband
Is a very bad man

Who is currently screwing around
With his nineteen-year-old intern

And I think he has plans to get rid of her
In the near future
And no, I'm not talking about a polite parting of ways

I know this, because he thinks I'm stupid
And so he's careless

He doesn't talk softly when he's on the phone
He doesn't try to hide documentation
He doesn't pick up his own laundry

So I find things
And I find things out

And I realize that I might wind up
Like that girl someday

So I decide to make dinner
A nice fish course
That I know he'll love

And I make sure there's a nice sauce
Spread all over it

And I make sure to hide
The injection
My husband's going to need
When he realizes the sauce I made
Has nuts in it

And I'm going to sit there
Quietly
At the table
Finishing my meal
Because, you see
I'm not allergic to nuts

And I'll watch my husband
Realize
That he's going to die

And that he's going to have to wait
Not very long of course
But still

He's going to feel it coming
And not be able to stop it

Like he's in a plane
Going down, down...

Down

And I'll ask him--

'How does it feel?  How does it feel to know you're going to die?'

But of course
He won't be able to answer

Which is a pity

Because I'd really like to know